Realizing.

I just realized something.
I'm obviously not killing myself right now like shooting myself or hanging myself or something like that.
But I already started killing myself a long time ago. And I just realized it. All the eating-what-I-shouldn't-eat, getting-sick-by-that, don't-care-about-getting-asthma-or-anything. All the other things I do to myself..
Yes. I'm killing myself. Right now. And I don't feel like stopping. Though I feel sick right now..guess why..yeah..eat-what-I-shouldn't-eat. I don't feel like stopping.
Thoughts are that it might be better if I hurry up. But then. I'm not sure. And then. I'm not feeling like I deserve it to be a fast death. Though it would feel like it was a good way sometimes.
And please don't try to tell me I should stop hating myself.
I'm hating myself for hating myself.
Try to stop that, motherfuckers.