Here I am. My flat is a mess and so am I. Tomorrow my mom will help me to clean it, but still. It's all a mess! A fucking mess..
I'm not sure about studying again, I'm not sure about living again, I'm not sure about a lot of things.
So...here I am. Having no energy for nothing but this doesn't stop me from thinking about my future husband again. A boy whom I just met not long ago.
Well, technically I met him about 2 months ago. But I haven't really seen him that way until we met again and he flirtet with me. I may be wrong but I felt like I haven't been flirtet with in a long time so it was even more charming to me. We went to a party with friends the next night and stayed until the club closed. At first I was quite distempered because he was dancing with this girl they brought along. I thought I may had imagined the flirt the night before and was a little mad. But then he went to the loo and his flatmate - my colleague - and the girl went further to the middle of the dancefloor while I stayed where we were with a fellow student of mine. And when C. came back we danced close until he realised D. and the girl weren't there anymore and then...he asked out loud "Where is he taking my sister?". OH MY GOD! You just can't imagine the big fat smile on my face after that.When we made our way to them we held hands a little. Just a few seconds, but still.
So we met 3 times until now and everytime was in a group and not intended by any of us. Well I knew he would be at the party with my colleague but I don't think that counts.
3 fucking times and I'm thinking about a fucking possible future with him.
And what shall I say...in my mind it's a great future...
Maybe I should ask him out but I often feel like besieging someone when trying to get closer. So I might give him hints and try to meet him in a group situation. We'll see.
The thing is..knowing it's crazy won't stop me thinking about him and me being together.
Dadadadaaaam!
